


I don't feel any pain

by High King Fen (Gizmo)



Category: The Magicians (TV), The Magicians - Lev Grossman
Genre: Eliot is dead, M/M, Rated T for Suicide mention, Shade!Quentin, oh I made myself sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 12:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11184795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gizmo/pseuds/High%20King%20Fen
Summary: If the calendar in the waiting room was up to date, which he was pretty sure it was, Eliot died 37 days ago





	I don't feel any pain

If the calendar in the waiting room was up to date, which he was pretty sure it was, Eliot died 37 days ago. How it was still of a blur that to this day they were still trying to figure out in Fillory. At least it hoped. If their High King get assassinated, they better call the magical CSI and find who did that and why. 

He’d hope death being peaceful, quiet and a vast nothingness but it was quite the contrary. This felt like the lobby of the most luxurious hotel he’d ever been mixed with the feeling of the waiting area of the dentist. Pretty, magnificent even, but so sterile. 

People where from every age, every race...every world. It was quite mind blowing to see something so big being so well organized. But, when you have a life time to get perfect, it must pay one day or another. 

If everything went well for his friends, which he’d dearly hope, he would be alone here for a long time. He hope they grew old, die rich, had adventures. At least, he could say he died being call a High King. That’s not in everybody’s profile. 

He had to move on. Let go. But he wasn’t ready. Mainly because he was scared of the after. Wait since here’s the after life should he call it the after-after life? 

He wasn’t ready. Not yet. Hell he was still mad that he died. No. He wasn’t about to move on and be ok with the fact that he could never go back to Fillory, go back to his friend, go back to being himself. 

Brooding was easy in the afterlife. That’s the only thing you have to do. Well, there are technically thousand of activity rooms and pleasure parlor but nothing talked to him. Life was about experiencing happiness, drinking yourself dumb, tasting someone skin. He didn’t want to do it here, where it must be colder. What’s the point of enjoying yourself when you know it’s all pretence and illusion.

So instead of being where everyone went, the High King walked aimlessly, discovering every inch he could of this place, trying to find a purpose into the idea of death. 

‘’ELIOT!’’ 

From up hill, there was a manor so big it could compete with his castle. But it wasn’t the imposant manor, nor the magnificent garden that caught his attention. No it was a little boy running toward him. His hair were brown, going to the middle of his back, attach by a ponytail that was threatening to loosen every step he made. He had a generic grey t shirt, jeans too big for him and a blue and red converse, lace dangerously untie and dangling both side of his feet. 

The little boy who cried his name ran finally arrive near him and jump into his arm. It took Eliot a step back and all his strength not to drop the kid on the floor.

‘’I missed you so much!’’  
The little boy put hid his head in the crook of his neck and started to tremble. Eliot was even more confuse that the moment he awoke in the underworld. I mean how the heck a kid that age knows him….and miss him? He never saw him in his life. 

After a hug that was way to long not to be awkward, the little boy got out of his arm, took his hand and tugged him toward the house. 

‘’Come we can play together there. ‘’ 

Well, better follow him than say no and make a kid cry. I mean who would make a kid cry. 

They enter the manor where dozen of kid were playing, reading, running around. Some alone, some in group. All the same age. No adult. This felt like the beginning of a horror movie. And not the good kind, the B serie kind. 

They finally stopped in a small library with floor to ceiling books. Comfy chairs were set around a warm and steady fire. There was a red head girl who was reading on a window bench, letting the air whip her hair in her eyes. Eliot looked at the little boy who tucked a piece of hair behind his ear. 

That’s when his heart stop. His knee buckled and he fell on the floor. This movement. This fucking movement. It was so familiar yet impossible. The same hint of gold in his eye, the same nervous habit of bitting his lips. His hair, already long at that age. Fuck…. no. 

‘’Quentin?’’ He whisper, shocking on the impossibility of this. 

The little boy eyes widen with a mixture of culpability and fear. Eliot put his hand on the little boy shoulder, he felt him tremble.

‘’Are you Quentin’s shade’’ He ask in the softest voice he could muster, to be sure not to scare him. 

‘’Yeah...why ‘’ He answered, visibly scared and ready to have something bad coming at him. 

Fuck no. No No No No no. He didn’t do that. Fuck please. Any fucking god listening please don’t make it that Quentin Coldwater got rid of what was the most beautiful part of him. If someone had a shade worth protecting at all cost it was his;dreaming, trusting and always full of wonder at every new thing he discovered. 

He tried to talk. Open his mouth. Started to cry. He pulled Quentin in his arm and hug him like he wish he’d done more when he was alive. The little boy grabbed his shirt and settle in his arm, his head on his shoulder, hugging him as forceful as he could. 

‘’Yeah he told me to go. ‘’ Quentin said in the crook of his neck. His voice broke too. Visibily it was recent for him too. ‘’ So I did. ‘’ 

‘’Why?’’ 

Eliot pulled out of the hug to look more deeply into his eyes and tucked a strand of his remarkable hair. Quentin whipped his tear with the back of his hand, sniffling. 

‘’The feelings were to big. You know emotion how can they be. But this time I think it hurt too much. He wanted to join you but they others they found him just in time. They were so made… oh...it wasn’t pretty. ‘’ He said, visibly still feeling everything like it was still happening.

A frown appeared in the middle of his forehead. Eliot couldn’t help himself but to kiss it to calm him now. Which seems to work. 

‘’ So it was his solution.’’He continued. ‘’ Especially after what he did to those who killed you‘’ 

‘’Who..you know what it doesn’t matters’’

Who killed him and what did Quentin do. Yes it mattered. It fucking matters. But right now, he was starting to much emotion himself and needed a moment. He sat on one of the couch and put a hand in his face, breathing heavily. Shit. What have he done. Of every bad thing his dead could bring, the worst scenario Quentin giving up on life, on himself, on the best part of who he was. All of that because it was destroying him and because he couldn’t kill himself. 

‘’When I don’t feel good, Julia says to breath deep. It helps sometime. ‘’ Quentin said with those fucking puppy eyes that made his heart melt. 

This, of all thing, made Eliot laugh through his tears. And per the shade instruction, he took a deep breath, then another, then an other. After calming down, he nodded to Quentin who beam at him, proud of helping. Fucking Coldwater and his fucking adorable shade. 

‘’Are you going away soon?’’ 

Eliot smile sadly, tuck a piece of hair behind Quentin’s ear and shook his head.

‘’ No Q’. I think I’ll stay for awhile.’’

Let the other have their bowling alley and pleasure house. He found his way to spend eternity. Nestle in a couch,Quentin bringing a book that they read together.

**Author's Note:**

> For my magical mutual on tumblr. Thank you for inspiring me this


End file.
